Real Answers™

Copyright: © ©2004 Rusty Wright
600 words


By: Rusty Wright

My Dear Martian Command,

Warmest greetings. I do hope that you and your esteemed colleagues in the Interplanetary Exploratory Ventures Task Force are doing well.

I am pleased to file this preliminary update on my surveillance visit to our neighboring planet, which its inhabitants call “earth.” Ever since earthlings landed their little roving vehicles on our beloved soil, I have been curious as to what motivates and inspires them.

On a rest stop on earth's moon while en route, I found a banner with pointed spots and stripes – blue, white and red in color – apparently left behind by their explorers. There was also a nice plaque, inscribed in one of their languages, which – according to my e-translator – reads in part, “We Came In Peace For All Mankind.”

BTW, thanks to the techies for insisting that I bring that e-translator. It's been invaluable.

Earth's larger landmasses (“continents”) comprise various “countries” or “nations.” I'm now investigating the nation represented by that banner. I seem to be invisible to earthlings, though some believe space aliens have visited before.

Wouldn't you know it? I arrived amidst a huge, noisy campaign to determine the nation's next leader. Those banners were everywhere, especially when the candidates spoke to crowds and appeared on “television” (a rudimentary audiovisual communication device).

The two principal candidates smiled a lot and told why they would make the better “president” (supreme high commander) and why their opponent would be a lousy leader. John, the taller one, challenged the incumbent, called “W.”

Each spoke repeatedly of their opponent's unfulfilled expectations and dangerous views. The tall guy said “W” led their nation into war on false pretenses, pretty serious stuff. “W” called the tall guy a “flip-flopping tax-and-spend liberal.”

Note to techies: My e-translator has a hard time deciphering some of the language “W” uses.

Popular entertainers assisted each candidate. Thousands came to hear a singer named “Boss” perform a couple of songs and encourage votes for John. An entertainer-turned-politician, the “Governator,” told crowds to vote for “W.”

People here expend significant time and resources viewing and discussing entertainment. They also discuss politics endlessly. Controversy often boils over with shouting and bitter accusations by proponents of both sides.

Election officials said they didn't want to have to worry about “hanging Chad” again, whatever that means.

“Hanging” by the neck is a form of execution. The “hanged” person expires and is placed in the ground. I don’t know why they would worry that someone might hang this fellow, Chad, again. But earthlings can be strange.

Speaking of executions, I saw a fascinating story on a television recording playback device. It depicted an historical figure undergoing several trials, horrendous beatings (blood was everywhere) and execution.

Only they didn't hang this guy from a rope; they lashed him to a horizontal wooden beam, nailed his hands to it, then raised the beam on an upright post. Not a pleasant way to die.

As the man hung from this contraption, he said, “Father, forgive these people, because they don’t know what they are doing.” I hear he also told people to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” I don’t understand a lot about this person. But I have a hunch that what he said could help earthlings resolve many of their disputes if they paid him more attention.

Anyway, the election campaign ended recently. “W” won and promised to govern faithfully for the next four earthly solar revolutions. People still seem upset with the other side. I wonder if they really can come together.

Until next time, I remain your faithful explorer,

Agent 7

Rusty Wright is an author and university lecturer with who has spoken on six continents.

"Real Answers™" furnished courtesy of The Amy Foundation Internet Syndicate. To contact the author or The Amy Foundation, write or E-mail to: P. O. Box 16091, Lansing, MI 48901-6091; Visit our website at

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