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Real Answers™
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Copyright: ©2008 Debbie Thurman
630 words

WINNERS AND THOSE WHO THINK THEY ARE

By: Debbie Thurman

The barely noticeable drama of Punxsutawney Phil’s annual winter weather prognostication notwithstanding, all eyes at the beginning of February were focused on the two American Super days — Super Bowl Sunday and Super Tuesday. Someone had to win (how about those Giants!)  and someone had to lose, gamblers and pundicratic prognosticators included.

Americans are obsessed with winning and with handicapping winners and losers — in sports, politics, the stock market and in life, the Big Game. Many players in those contests are equally obsessed with risk-taking — so much so that the temptation to win at all costs often trumps character and old-fashioned effort. Hence, we see athletes doping, coaches cheating, politicians flip-flopping, Wall Street insiders trading and adulterers and philanderers … well, you get the picture. Some get caught and some get away with it, or think they do. All are losers.

While reading a review of a recent book, “The Secret to Raising a Smart Kid,” by Dr. Carol Dweck, I was struck by the breadth of our aversion to temporary failure and the inability to learn from it. I thought of how my own two daughters, now college students, always have responded differently to life’s challenges. One has been a problem solver practically from birth. She generally takes challenges by the throat and wrestles them to the ground. Of course, sooner or later she’ll meet an obstacle she can’t get by so easily. The gentle, analytical, non-driven one has to work harder for her achievements. Hers is more of a long-haul philosophy. Both daughters have made their father and me quite proud. They have made smarter choices than we did at their age.

As they continue down life’s highway, they will meet up with unforeseen challenges, just as their parents have done. They are aware that we both failed previously at marriage and that we very nearly failed at our own. By the grace of God and a thing called perseverance, we took the “D” word — divorce — out of our dictionary. We became the Comeback Kids, to our children’s great benefit.

Sadly, it seems many couples have chosen to take the “M” word — marriage — out of their dictionary. They cheapen marriage by playing at it until it gets too hard. Or afraid of committing to what they know they might fail at, they choose a life of “carefree” singleness or experimental cohabitation. Why buy the cow if the milk is free? The problem is, it isn’t free. Self-centeredness exacts a high toll on those who believe they are above old-fashioned commitment. The saddest victims are the children of divorced parents or those born to unmarried couples that brazenly collect them like sports memorabilia.

Napoleon Bonaparte once said, “Conquest has made me what I am, and conquest must maintain me.” How quaint and foreign are those words to our ears today. Speaking to those endeavoring to live a godly life, Charles Spurgeon said, “The world does not object to your being a Christian for a time, if she can but tempt you to cease your pilgrimage, and settle down to buy and sell with her in Vanity Fair.”

Our Creator has provided a vast garden for us all to live in. Free will, it’s called. “… I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse” (Deut. 30:19a). We have to choose. God compassionately placed “Bridge Out Ahead” and “One-Way Street” signs around to assist us with the choosing.

Commitment to what is right involves risk. Taking shortcuts on dangerous roads and ignoring warning signs is riskier still.

Failure provides opportunities to learn the best lessons in life. It makes success all the sweeter. Success is not winning at all costs. It’s winning at the right cost.

Debbie Thurman is an award-winning commentator and author who writes from Monroe, Va. Her e-mail address is debbie@debbiethurman.com.

"Real Answers™" furnished courtesy of The Amy Foundation Internet Syndicate. To contact the author or The Amy Foundation, write or E-mail to: P. O. Box 16091, Lansing, MI 48901-6091; amyfoundtn@aol.com

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