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Real Answers™
jd28
Copyright: © 2004 Jill Darling
700 words

AT REST IN THE EMPTY NEST

By: Jill Darling

The room looks ransacked. The stereo and five-foot speakers are gone. The comforter’s stripped from the bed.

Snapshots and knickknacks lie strewn across the dresser. The drawers sound hollow when opened, and the closet is almost bare.

He’s gone.

A pile of magazines sit in the corner. Little League pictures, trophies and medals stare unwittingly from their perches on the shelves.

I’m alone. The house is empty. The moment has arrived. Our younger son has left for college. He and my husband loaded the van and traveled nearly 2000 miles from home.

Twenty-seven years of in-house parenting is over. The responsibility of child rearing comes to a grinding halt. It’s so abrupt, so deafening, so final. And he’s so far away!

I reminisce. The two o’clock feedings, the diaper changes, scrubbing grass stains and mud out of jeans, home-schooling from K-12, science fairs, baseball games, soccer tournaments.

I reflect. How did we do? What did we instill within our sons? Was it enough? How did they turn out?

Of course, negative thoughts come to mind. I could have been more patient. I was too harsh at times. I wasn’t the greatest cook. I could have spent more time….

No. I choose to remember the good things.

We built our home on the foundation of the Bible—the guidebook for living. We took the scripture in Proverbs to heart: "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

Since our example speaks louder than our words, we tried to live accordingly. Three examples come to mind: honesty, love and perseverance.

Honesty. Instead of talking about the importance of honesty, we acted honorably in our daily lives.

When the bank teller, fast food worker, or department store cashier gave us back too much money, we made it a point to return it and make it right. Not only were these valuable lessons for our children to observe, they were also lessons for the grateful recipients to remember in their own future dealings with others.

Love. Let’s face it, not everyone is going to like us, despite our best intentions.

Misunderstandings arise and people hurt us, just as we hurt others at times, whether it’s intentional or not. Life isn’t fair and we have to deal with rejection, ridicule and downright bad behavior from others. Instead of criticizing people, we’d give them the benefit of the doubt and cover their sin with forgiveness and love, just as Jesus did for us.

Whenever a family member, friend, co-worker or church member hurt us, we felt the pain, but we called on God to heal our wound. We didn’t harbor bad feelings toward them, but allowed God’s love and forgiveness to flow out to them. Reacting directly opposite of the conventional response isn’t easy, but it reaps great rewards, one of which is peace within our own hearts.

Perseverance. How many times have we wanted to call it quits when something seemed insurmountable?

Our older son faced having to rewrite a paper he’d spent countless hours on already. He didn’t want to do it and preferred to drop the class instead of forging ahead. I told him he had two choices. He could take the low road—the easy way out—and give up. Or, he could take the high road of perseverance, which would make him a better, stronger person in the end. He persevered and he’s done so ever since.

Even though we’ve instilled some good qualities in the boys, we weren’t perfect by any means. On many occasions, in teaching our children, we realized that we needed to abide by those same truths first.

And it’s always a humbling experience when you’ve imparted a truth to your children and they, in turn, remind you to do the right thing when you’d rather not. Like speeding down the highway when you’re running late. Ouch!

Our college-bound son is gone. I look around the house and it’s not so empty after all. It’s filled with memories of good times, lessons learned and lives shaped. We’ve done our job. Now it’s time for them to do theirs.

"Real Answers™" furnished courtesy of The Amy Foundation Internet Syndicate. To contact the author or The Amy Foundation, write or E-mail to: P. O. Box 16091, Lansing, MI 48901-6091; amyfoundtn@aol.com

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